I’ve only one factor to say about President Trump’s proposal to reopen Alcatraz as a jail for ruthless offenders.

What took you so lengthy?

The “Rock,” because it has someday been referred to, sits uselessly in the midst of the San Francisco Bay, criminally underutilized as a vacationer vacation spot. I’ve been there, and the fantastic thing about the situation is that again when cons tried to go over the wall, sharks have been on responsibility 24/7, working as unpaid jail guards.

Steve Lopez

Steve Lopez is a California native who has been a Los Angeles Occasions columnist since 2001. He has gained greater than a dozen nationwide journalism awards and is a four-time Pulitzer finalist.

As Trump stated, one man tried to flee a few years in the past, and “they found his clothing, rather badly ripped up. It was a lot of shark bites, lot of problems.”

Talking of issues, critics who suppose it is a nutty concept say it will break the bank to rebuild the run-down property, which as soon as housed the likes of Al Capone and George “Machine Gun” Kelly however has been shuttered since 1963. A former Alcatraz tour information stated there’s no operating water, no sanitation and no warmth.

Sure, but it surely’s a jail, not a spa. A “symbol of law and order,” within the phrases of Trump, who ought to know. In any case, he’s a convicted felon.

Though I feel Trump is onto one thing right here, my one quibble is that he’s not pondering grandly sufficient. California has a number of underutilized sources, so let’s open our minds to the probabilities.

What if the Nice America theme park was recast as Make America Nice Once more? Children would love the RFK Jr. Fluoride-Free Water Slide.

(Summer time Lin / Los Angeles Occasions)

Lower than an hour south of Alcatraz, in Santa Clara, an amusement park known as Nice America has been tanking for many years, and the property was simply offered to a developer in what might be the start of the tip for the once-thriving attraction.

However maintain every little thing. I’ve an concept.

How about altering the identify from Nice America to Make America Nice Once more?

I even have an concept for the close by Oakland Coliseum, which has been rudely deserted by each the soccer Raiders and the baseball A’s.

I grew up in that stadium and might let you know that Raider followers, particularly, weren’t a timid lot. The phrase “rabid” could also be a stretch, however let’s simply say they expressed themselves with little or no inhibition, very like the crew that invaded and ransacked the U.S. Capitol after a joint session of Congress had the audacity to formalize the victory of Joe Biden

That gang of patriots has been pardoned by President Trump, however I don’t know in the event that they’ve discovered work but.

So right here’s the pitch:

What self-respecting, MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fanatic wouldn’t pay good cash to observe dwell performances by antler-wearing, U.S. flag-waving, pardoned revolutionaries on the rebranded January 6 Coliseum: The place Medieval Occasions Meets Trendy Politics?

They might go full gladiator to the cheers of the gang. Give them ropes and muskets, costume them in skins and watch them scale a duplicate of the Capitol, smash home windows, hunt cowering politicians and assault safety forces just like the heroes we all know them to be.

Maybe Hearst Fort might change into the Western White Home.

(Gemma Calilong)

A few of these proposals might be tough to execute, I’ll admit, however not if one other California landmark is put to raised use:

Let’s flip Hearst Fort into the Western White Home.

Trump sons Eric and Donald Jr. have been gallivanting world wide, pitching a billion-dollar lodge deal in Dubai, a residential tower in Saudi Arabia and a golf course and villa in Qatar, to which I say, “Well done, boys.” However after so a few years of public service, don’t you need to dwell in a fortress?

As soon as they’re ensconced in San Simeon’s 115-room Casa Grande, the Trump brothers might make Dad proud by dismantling the state’s pesky coastal fee, increasing offshore drilling and bringing a contact of the Atlantic Metropolis expertise to the West Coast.

Huge Sur is OK, however I can’t consider a single lodge there with both a on line casino or a chief rib buffet.

Think about a Mar-a-Lago Monterey in California’s close to future.

And the way a few 60-story Trump Tower Torrance, with a rooftop driving vary and golden seashore umbrellas.

The Western White Home might additionally run interference for SpaceX founder Elon Musk, whose makes an attempt to shoot off extra rockets at Vandenberg House Drive Base have been stymied by regulators on the aforementioned coastal fee.

I’m simply spitballing right here, however I feel the Queen Mary might simply be repurposed as a floating jail, to deal with overflow from Alcatraz.

L.A.’s Cathedral of Our Girl of the Angels is usually a Vatican satellite tv for pc when Trump turns into pope.

Along with his crypto wealth rising by billions in latest months, Trump might take over Crypto.com Area in downtown Los Angeles and switch it into a private piggy financial institution.

Slightly than internet hosting a royal Sunday brunch, maybe the Queen Mary might be repurposed as a floating jail — dealing with overflow from Alcatraz.

(Jay L. Clendenin / Los Angeles Occasions)

And because of tariffs, there might be sufficient room in the entire empty cargo containers on the ports of L.A. and Lengthy Seashore to eradicate homelessness in a single day.

All that may stand in the way in which of constructing America nice once more is a scarcity of creativeness, so be at liberty to ship me your individual concepts about make higher use of present sources. However first, let me share yet one more of mine.

From the banks of Alcatraz, you possibly can virtually toss a frisbee to close by Angel Island, which can be vastly underutilized. I’ve been there, and it’s a superbly pretty state park with gorgeous 360-degree views. However are you aware what it was once used for?

Within the first half of the final century, lots of of 1000’s of immigrants have been processed, interrogated and detained on the island. And the barracks are nonetheless there.

What are we ready for?