In 2012, Cassidy Krug competed in her first and final Olympics. Raised by two diving coaches, Krug was in diapers when she began dreaming of competing.
At 27 years previous, she had a shot on the Olympic bronze medal however landed in seventh place as a substitute. Krug determined to retire, one thing she’d already been contemplating for 3 years. However how do you progress ahead in life when diving is the one factor you’ve ever recognized?
Shelf Assistance is a wellness column the place we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their newest books — all with the goal of studying methods to stay a extra full life.
Krug tried to exchange her ardour for diving with a company profession. However after seven years in promoting and model technique, she felt misplaced and with out the aim and motivation she’d as soon as felt for her sport. Fascinated by the infinite choices of what to do subsequent, Krug wrote “Resurface: A Guide to Navigating Life’s Biggest Transitions.”
The Occasions spoke with Krug about why we’re so immune to uncertainty and what instruments we will use to get snug with change.
This interview has been condensed and edited for readability.
Why do you assume transitions are an vital a part of life?
Transitions are an vital a part of life as a result of they’re an inevitable a part of life. An writer named Bruce Feiler estimates that we now have three to 5 “lifequakes” in our lives — main shifts that change our habits, our identities, our communities and our sense of goal. These shifts are much more frequent now that it feels just like the tempo of change on the earth is rushing up. The extra we will embrace change, reasonably than attempt to maintain on to our previous methods, the extra arrange we will likely be to adapt and transfer ahead.
“During a transition, we often need to change our definition of success,” says Cassidy Krug, writer of “Resurface: A Guide to Navigating Life’s Biggest Transitions.”
(Natalie Fong)
For this e-book, you interviewed individuals going by way of all types of life transitions, from altering careers to leaving jail. What did you discover to be common truths about these transitions?
There have been two: that transitions take away our sense of neighborhood, and that in a transition, we regularly want to alter our definition of success. Stanley — the person I interviewed who left jail after 20 years — advised me that when he did, he misplaced the sense of camaraderie he felt whereas there. He additionally realized that he’d beforehand outlined success by having a household and a steady job. When he left jail, he wanted to redefine success to incorporate the impression he’d had on different individuals’s lives whereas in jail. Although my expertise was not the identical, I additionally felt an enormous lack of neighborhood and the necessity to redefine success whereas leaving diving.
Within the e-book, you write that as people, we’re resistant to alter and really feel a necessity for certainty. Why are we so immune to such an inevitable a part of our lives, and the way can we overcome this?
We frequently waver between the necessity for stability and a need for change and progress. Proper now, as a society, our expectations for certainty are ever-increasing. Twenty years in the past, there have been no relationship apps that might assess my compatibility with a associate and no Yelp critiques that might predict if I’d like the place I selected to eat dinner. Now with generative AI, there are lots of extra avenues that market a false sense of safety, and I believe these avenues give us much more nervousness with regards to the inevitable moments after we are unsure. One solution to battle that want for certainty is to place ourselves in tough and unsure conditions. The power to stay in uncertainty is a muscle: The extra we depend on exterior issues to offer us a way of certainty, the much less succesful and the extra anxious we really feel after we don’t have these crutches round.
Within the e-book, you write {that a} transition by no means ends. What do you imply by that?
I used to consider transitions as starting, center, finish. As a substitute, psychologists use the phrases shifting into, shifting by way of, and shifting out of to explain transitions, acknowledging that they not often yield a clear-cut endpoint. My good friend Nora, whom I write about within the e-book, anticipated that when she was in remission from most cancers, she would transfer ahead and thrive. In actuality, she’s in remission, however she has mind fog, fatigue and lingering well being points that can change her life shifting ahead. The damaging and false expectation is that transitions finish. Usually, in actuality, we don’t return to our earlier state, and our transition as a substitute ripples into our future — however that rippling change means ongoing progress and ahead motion.
In Cassidy Krug’s “Resurface: A Guide to Navigating Life’s Biggest Transitions,” interviewees vary from a most cancers survivor to injured athletes to a person beginning over after 20 years in jail.
(Cassidy Krug)
How can we transfer ahead after leaving one thing vital to us behind?
Rituals are a good way to honor what we’re abandoning, commemorate the way it formed us and assist incorporate the teachings from it into our evolving identities. Similar to holding a funeral for a misplaced beloved one, individuals discover artistic methods to honor completely different elements of their lives coming to an in depth. One girl I interviewed who struggled with infertility threw herself a menopause occasion full with tampons wrapped in ribbons and ladies telling their first interval and menopause tales. [Author] William Bridges mentioned that change is one thing that occurs to us, and transition is how we select to react to that change. I believe there’s a 3rd step to that — how we interpret that transition — and rituals may also help us achieve this in a approach that strikes us ahead.
What would you advocate somebody do after they’re paralyzed by the considered an upcoming change?
Firstly, I’d advocate somebody reframe their nervousness by spinning these fears into alternatives. “I’m afraid to leave this job because I don’t know what will happen” can change into “If I leave, there will be so many opportunities open for me, and I’m going to have my own back.” Secondly, it’s vital to begin with one thing small and concrete. The thought of discovering a brand new ardour is paralyzing, however asking your self what you’re excited about and discovering a small step you possibly can take within the course of exploring that curiosity feels way more manageable.
What would you say to somebody who’s undecided in the event that they’re able to make a giant bounce?
An writer named Annie Duke wrote a e-book known as “Quit” — in it, she writes that by the point a call seems to be 50/50, it’s in all probability higher in your upcoming happiness when you transfer on. We have now a societal bias in direction of grit, and each success story appears to be of somebody who had an concept after which overcame obstacles after which succeeded. Tales overlook to incorporate all of the issues that individual stop earlier than they selected and invested in the suitable path. We don’t stop practically as usually as we must always, so when you’re fascinated about quitting one thing, do it.
Now that you simply’ve completed writing your e-book, you’re going by way of a interval of transition once more. How do you are feeling about it this time round?
There’s grief and loss related to all transitions. One thing I’ve to remind myself of with every transition I face is that there will likely be a interval the place I don’t know what’s subsequent, and that’s regular. Issues aren’t presupposed to final ceaselessly, and I’ve to remind myself to breathe into the chance that temporariness brings, reasonably than the worry. I believe many people are overwhelmed by potentialities — there are lots of issues we might do, however we don’t know which path to take. I’m within the aftermath of a undertaking I felt so sure about, and my intuition is to attend for that certainty to hit me once more earlier than taking a step in any course. But when I do this, I’ll be ready ceaselessly. What I have to do is ask myself is, “What am I curious about? What is driving me?” after which make investments time into exploring it — that’s how I’ll work out what my ardour goes to be subsequent.
(Maggie Chiang / For The Occasions)
