On the subject of the phrase intimacy, we regularly affiliate it with romance, bodily connection, or intercourse. However the idea of intimacy encompasses a deeper that means, platonically or romantically. Societally talking, even once we consider the phrase friendship, we usually don’t consider the phrase intimacy both. Relationships are both platonic or romantic, with no in between. And with the phrase “platonic” that means non-romantic or non-sexual. However robust, wholesome friendships require depth, intentionality, and substance.
In 2013, I wrote, “Intimacy is what is lost and lacking. I mean the casualty of hi and bye. The random, “Hey, how are you? The phone call after weeks, months, and years has passed. Just to see if you are around or to be all in your business.” I don’t know what prompted me to share that thought publicly, however possibly on the time, I seen or felt the absence of intimacy in friendships. Possibly, on the time, I used to be not fulfilled in my present friendships. Possibly I missed the fixed togetherness and closeness I felt in friendships in my early twenties, minus the petty drama.
Quick ahead to 2025, my friendships have persistently deepened with intentionality. And it is as a result of I place a excessive worth on my connections, friendships, and relationships. For me, most of my associates have turn into household. A lot of my friendships are lifelong – I’m speaking 10-20 years and counting. As a younger lady, if I referred to as somebody my pal, I really and deeply meant it. It was eternally till I used to be proven in any other case. However I additionally shortly realized associates come and go identical to seasons, too. I used to be by no means one to run in cliques or circles. I don’t play favorites, and I deal with my associates equally. There isn’t one factor I might not do for one pal that I might not do for an additional pal.
My skill to and selecting to indicate up is effortlessly real. My normal of friendship requires transparency, depth, consideration, reciprocity, development, honesty, boundaries, mutual respect, emotional maturity, emotional intelligence, accountability, and uncooked, uncomfortable conversations. It consists of creating moments and reminiscences stuffed with laughter, magnificence, pleasure, and ugly crying. It is displaying up for the great moments, the laborious moments, and every part else in between. I’ve at all times been this manner.
With that stated, I feel I’ve been a long-time practitioner of one thing referred to as platonic intimacy.
If you happen to don’t know what platonic intimacy is, by the top of this text, you’ll know what it seems like, what works and what doesn’t in these friendships, the way to develop platonic intimacy in friendships, and the way it deepens friendships.
What Is Platonic Intimacy?Intimacy vs. Platonic Intimacy
Earlier than we confuse or intertwine intimacy with platonic intimacy lets perceive the variations between the 2 ideas. Intimacy is outlined as a deep emotional connection and closeness between people. This consists of emotional, mental, and bodily intimacy. Most individuals would affiliate this with romantic relationships. Assume, sharing deeply private ideas and emotions with a accomplice or experiencing bodily intimacy.
Whereas platonic intimacy is outlined as a deep emotional connection and closeness between people with none romantic and sexual involvement. Centered on emotional and mental, religious, and experiential intimacy with bodily affection restricted to pleasant gestures.
The Origins of Platonic LoveThe Phrase Platonic Was Outlined By The Greeks
The idea of platonic intimacy isn’t new. With that stated, the phrase “platonic” originated from the traditional Greek thinker Plato and his writings on several types of love in dialogue “The Symposium.” An article printed by Verywell Thoughts says Plato believed that platonic love may deliver individuals nearer to a divine superb. A better type of love that focuses on a connection of minds and souls – serving as the inspiration for platonic love.
Platonic intimacy refers to emotional depth and closeness attainable in non-romantic friendships. Recently, it looks as if social media has more and more turn into an academic platform about social interplay, human connection, emotional intelligence, and emotional maturity. With rising conversations round psychological well being and non-traditional relationship construction, it’s evident there’s a main shift in direction of recognizing the worth of deep friendships.
In reviewing “The Ins and Outs of Platonic Intimacy” by Keys Soulcare, they interview Lightworker Tiffany Curtis on platonic partnerships and deepening significant connections. Curtis’s thought-provoking opinions on platonic intimacy enable us to consider relationships in a nontraditional method and go towards the norm. Curtis states:
“I think that platonic intimacy gives us space to experience love and affection in an abundant way. So many of us grow up thinking that platonic relationships and friendships are a consolation prize, a second place to a romance coming first in our lives. Our society has this binary view of relationships: you’re either friends or partners. But sometimes the two coexist, and sometimes they don’t, and platonic relationships are not ‘less’ than romantic ones.”
The article additionally highlights that “Friendships can teach us what’s possible in our connections when we don’t adhere to a prescribed relationship ladder. What can love and care and choosing someone over and over again look like when we dismiss the idea that relationships have to follow certain steps?”
As somebody that has come to imagine my life is wealthy with good individuals, friendship, and group I wholeheartedly agree.
Platonic Intimacy Seems Like…
I learn someplace on social media that friendships are now not like childhood friendships. Grownup friendships require time and intentionality. Agreed. In line with an article by Curina, what which means is platonic intimacy on the whole means attempting to be extra expressive with the individuals you name associates. This expression can manifest in lots of kinds together with bodily contact, emotional help, and shared experiences. Assume lengthy awkward hugs, “just checking in” texts, serving to with on a regular basis duties, creating traditions collectively, being susceptible, sharing garments, jokes, passwords, or celebrating wins joyously.
Platonic intimacy also can appear to be planning futures collectively, caring for one another when sick, praying in a time of want, deep late-night talks, sleeping in the identical mattress, shared playlists or picture albums, taking good care of pets, strolling by way of laborious moments or huge life transitions.
The thought is that shut friendships deserve and may get the identical kind of consideration that romantic relationships have.
Earlier than I knew platonic intimacy was a complete factor, I’m the pal that may go to one in every of her lifelong associates and cook dinner breakfast earlier than she leaves for work and cook dinner her favourite delicacies for dinner when she comes house. Fuzzy socks and pajamas — we are going to lay within the mattress and play the social card sport Wordaful or watch a film. One other lifelong pal of mine was present process chemotherapy for breast most cancers throughout one in every of my visits to California. So, I made it a degree to see her. We merely laid in mattress and talked for hours.
I’d assist a pal pack to organize for a transfer. I’ll ship a pal a considerate card simply because, write a letter, or order an grownup coloring e-book and coloured pencils by way of AmazonPrime in the event that they inform me in the event that they’re mentally struggling.
Different instances it’s a coworking date at a pal’s home. She buys the espresso and I cook dinner lunch. I are likely to notate the little particulars about my shut associates. Possibly a favourite music, their favourite meals, or social media memes that remind me of them. I present up in laborious moments and crises too. And I don’t suppose I do know something totally different in the case of friendship. I don’t know some other technique to be.
Possibly it’s as a result of I’m a pure born giver, my robust Caribbean values, or as a result of I grew up seeing my mom endlessly present up for household and associates.
Methods to Construct Platonic Intimacy With FriendsHow To Develop Platonic Intimacy in Friendships
The vital factor to notice about platonic intimacy is it is about permitting your self to be susceptible with one other individual. It is about acceptance, belief, honesty, loyalty, understanding, companionship, enjoyment, development, gratitude, and closeness. Keep in mind, Plato taught us that platonic love is a bond by which we will establish optimistic qualities that make us really feel complete or full inside one other individual. It’s the shut relationships which can be rooted in alignment, belief, confidence, and loyalty.
A non-romantic soulmate, if you’ll.
“This Is Platonic Love,” an article printed by Psych Central, states that creating platonic intimacy inside friendships includes shared related pursuits and life passions. Deep conversations are key as a degree of belief is required to share deeper opinions.
Platonic intimacy grows with routine upkeep the place there may be equal duty and intentionality to take care of the friendship. It’s a must to present all the best way up. This seems like prioritizing time, deliberate check-ins, open communication, and taking initiative to make plans.
Friendships like these additionally require mutual respect and limits. I feel realizing a pal’s love language (conventional or non conventional) additionally helps create platonic intimacy and strengthens friendships on the whole. For instance, I do know one in every of my associates’ love languages is espresso and crops.
So, I advised a co-working date on this new espresso store that can also be a plant retailer and he or she has by no means been so excited.
What Does Not Work for Platonic Intimacy
One other factor to recollect is platonic intimacy is nurtured when two individuals actively present optimistic qualities and behaviors inside friendship. Damaging behaviors and/or patterns can not co-exist in these kind of friendships. In the identical article by Psych Central, threats to platonic intimacy embrace inconsistency or ghosting habits the place the duty of the friendship belongs to 1 individual. Lack of consideration for boundaries can also be a problem.
Whether or not it is a feminine or male friendship – associates with advantages are positively not welcomed in platonic intimacy. It creates a sophisticated, unhealthy, dynamic. Let’s be sincere, difficult is the very last thing anybody needs in deep connection and friendship. And wholesome, reciprocal shut friendships needs to be fluid, not difficult.
Lastly, one-sided vulnerability the place one pal is aware of you intimately, however can not reciprocate the identical transparency doesn’t work both. The objective of platonic intimacy is closeness, to not play therapist.
Why Platonic Intimacy Improves Your LifeLife is Higher When Shut Friendships Are Deepened
To me, platonic intimacy in friendships is a conscientious effort over time. However any shut friendship and/or relationship is strictly that. Shut friendships are important to our well being and total well-being. Analysis research have proven that platonic intimacy or platonic love helps with improved well being, decrease stress, and resiliency. This consists of decreased threat for coronary heart illness, nervousness, and despair.
Shut intimate friendships make us mentally and emotionally stronger. And what I imply by that’s having help or lifelines. Generally, household can’t be our lifeline — that is the place platonic intimacy is available in. It’s friendships that make us really feel protected, seen, and heard that deepen this factor referred to as life.
We as people will not be wired to be alone in any regard. We aren’t right here to expertise one kind of affection or life both. Nevertheless, we’re right here to attach interdependently and love effectively.
I need you to know selecting somebody doesn’t need to be restricted to a romantic relationship. At first select your self first. But additionally select individuals who select you as a lot as you select them – every single time no matter time, distance, or circumstances.
Select the friendships that fill your cup, make you complete, understood, nurture your peace, and that make you’re feeling undeniably protected.
Platonic intimacy in friendships is without doubt one of the biggest loves you’ll ever know and expertise on this lifetime. And I hope you get the prospect to know her.
(Thanks to my pal and shopper M.Okay.R. for uplifting me to put in writing this text along with her personal examples of platonic intimacy in her friendships.)
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